Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
