Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
