I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
