I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
