I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
