i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
