you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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