um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
