sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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