I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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