last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
