he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It was a blind-side dick pic.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
