I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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