I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
