I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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