I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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