Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So much rum. So many feels.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
