She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
