my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
