In the future we'll all be gay
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
