Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
