That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
