I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
