I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
