Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
