I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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