I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
