this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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