ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
