I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
