This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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