the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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