Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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