i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
