got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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