Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
