Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I can't put those talents on a resume
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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