lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
