I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
