We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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