she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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