I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
