I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i've created a new STD.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
