dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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