She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
