I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
