Tell her she can't have a vagina
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
