I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
