I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
