Sacagawea was the original milf.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
