I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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