i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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